10.18.2006...Thoughts that Go Deeper

In these last several days, since having returned from Mt. Abu, I've had a good deal of time to think about 'things'.

I want to preface these thoughts by saying that all the individuals I have met have been genuinely kind to me and this is in no way meant to characterize anyone other than that.

I am pink and I am in India. While on one hand this seems like a plus because I'm somewhat of an exotic oddity, I mostly feel very out of place.

This isn't to say that I feel uncomfortable, oh no, just misplaced. There are a couple of factors that lead to this feeling.

HISTORY (or lack thereof)

In the US few seem to think anything about not being able to trace ones family line back only one or two generations. Rarely does ones lineage (other than the omnipresence of ones general ethnic background) come up as a topic of conversation.
Here it matters. People say they are this or that, even if they themselves have never been to the place of their origins. It would be like a 3rd generation Italian-American saying I'm Italian before I'm American and also introduce themselves as such. That's not to say that some don't but in general people in the States don't go about in that manner.

I have little history. I know I'm some Irish, some English and even some Czech and/or German. Our line may go back to one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, but when I read the genealogy put together by one of my great-Aunts, there was something amiss that made me believe that we didn't have that lineage.

It doesn't matter. I guess being free of historical claim means I am free to create my own history and adopt the customs I believe in or enjoy the most.

RELIGION and SPIRITUALITY

As some of you know I choose not to practice organized religion. I have practiced it in the past, but I prefer to develop a personal relationship with the creative powers that be rather than let some one else dictate this for me.

This is a struggle.

I feel as though coming to India is part of a spiritual quest. One that I've been set on for almost my entire life. But being that I'm pink, American, having little history and no religion would make it seem that I'm handicapped.

I don't feel this way about myself, but I get the distinct sense that others feel this way about me.

One guest who came to visit the other day was telling a story about the building of the Ashram in Puducherry (Pondicherry).

She said that because of the dream of a French woman, who then came to India, that the Ashram was built.

"If a French person can do this, then why not us Indians?"

This wasn't meant to be a derogatory comment, but at the same time how could it not be?

Why should it be any more surprising that a French person or Indian person or any person be granted a vision or achieve a spiritual awakening?

Are some peoples holier? Are some places holier? Only to those that assign the value tag.

Some would say women aren't worthy, others would say "no" to dark skinned folk, and others would say the poor cannot achieve such things.

Are we not all equal in the scheme of creation? We could all just as equally shun the material world and pursue our faiths. Alternatively, we could all just as easily turn our backs on our Gods and pursue the material route.

In the end it is the choice and will belonging to each human spirit that determines the path they pursue. And these choices can change at any time.

With that, I return to my path...because I am a woman because I am pink because I am American because I am without religion (but not without faith) all of these things mean nothing. The pursuit of spiritual awareness is no more inherently challenging for me than others simply because of the factors I have been born in to. I choose not to let them challenge me. Others may think, say or indicate any one or all of these factors as drawbacks, but I don't have to justify my existence to anyone on the day I pass from this world except myself and the higher powers that be.

And so I confidently move forward, having offered this testimony to my faith that I can achieve transcedence above the everyday. I can strike a balance between the secular world and the spiritual one. I can rise above judging myself in the eyes and words of others.

To be sure this is not an easy task and sometimes I am overwhelmed and even a bit frightened.

But I find no satisfaction in shrinking back into a worldly existence which simply offers little more than a sense of egoistic accomplishment with no real foundation in sincere service or faith, as I know it to be.

Peace,

A Pink American