11.24.2006...Ooooh Black Friday and More Tales

This is one day when I really feel as if I'm missing being in America. Few things throw the modern American into sheer survival mode better than the pushing, squeezing, heckling and down right animalistic frenzy than shopping the day after Thanksgiving...aka Black Friday.

I've braved the wilds of the malls and free-standing stores a couple of times. An actionable plan for shopping strategies must be laid out and rehearsed in the days leading up to this day, lest you fail in your mission of holiday savings (hmmm, maybe we could save by not spending/buying so much??). Few days see such activity in the US between the hours of 4am and 12noon as this day.
I've tried to calculate the cost-savings ratio for the lost sleep, gas used, and intense stress felt on this day of shopping and have concluded that there are no real savings to speak of.

The great thing about Americans, and an increasing number of their worldy cohabitants, is that this practical knowledge will no way disuade them from one of their favorite consumer rituals.

Let's pause for a quick moment. I don't want anyone to get the impression that I'm a pure cycnic. Yes I can be cycnical about some things, but most things I find too humorous to care about chastizing, so when I make these observations they aren't in any way judgemental. I'm just sharing the humor and irony of what I see.

And in resuming...

I must provide a followup to yesterday's Thanksgiving tale.

However, it will be in straight 1st person delivery.

I had planned on fibbing a bit to the instructor so as to cowardly bow out of not meeting with her anymore nor giving her the press she wanted. Boy, I was feeling low.

This morning I awoke refreshed and realized that I couldn't let her dishonesty beget dishonesty in me. But, I also didn't want to get hostile over the money because that really wasn't the point.

After the lesson, we told her that I would not return tonight as we do have dinner guests (which is true) and that I would not come next Friday as I had only felt shakey confidence at performing for the press with the knowledge of 11 lessons ahead of me, but felt even less confidence in doing so with only 7 lessons done (this was true too, although not entirely the reason for intially wanting to back out).

She really seemed sincerely sorry to hear that. She tried to explain that she believed I wanted 2 lessons a week for 3 weeks (or six lessons) only. This may have been true, but we kept repeating clearly that we were expecting 3 weeks of lessons. Maybe she didn't pay attention, I don't know.

She offered to give us back some of the money and we declined saying it was a fair amount, but she should have been clear with as about what she was planning on giving when we had been clear about what we expected.

We reaffirmed that she is a very good instructor. With the exception of this matter, I would recommend her. Just be CLEAR on the arrangements.

In the end, honesty was the best policy. Okay, blarf, that I said that, but it was true. Plus I feel better and don't have to second guess my appreciation for having learned what I did.

It's funny how when you are willing to let go the hurt of being wronged that you can either find the humor in the situation or you can find the peace of mind to address it head on, thus realizing it won't kill you to confront troubling matters. In fact I ALWAYS feel better for having done so.

Another quick tale...

Lest I leave a taste in my audience mind that ALL Indian busines folk are shady or corrupt, I did want to share another quick story.

When we visited Mt. Abu, we shopped at the Rajasthan Emporium. Among other things, we picked up several leather bound journals.

When we returned home I realized that either we were one short or we had been charged too much. Again, we felt bad. We prepared ourselves for a more typical response of "we don't know what you're talking about" followed by a swift click.

However, when we called, they quickly remembered us and told us that had set the journal aside after we left. They sent it by courier that day and it arrived at our house the very next morning.

So you see, all isn't bad in India. In fact ALL isn't bad anywhere, but as humans it seems we tend to gravitate our minds to focus on such misfortunes and miseries rather than addressing them as what they are: small and temporary in our lives.

There definitely is a basis for saying 'if it bleeds it leads"...not only in newspapers but in many of our minds about the way we view life. No, we don't need a world of Pollyanna's, BUT we could try a bit more to let the sunnier side of life shine in from time to time. It feels pretty good.

Peace

A Pink American

11.23.2006...A Thanksgiving Tale

Well if you are in America, you are no doubt getting ready to slip on the stretchy track pants or sweats and let slide an enormous variety (and quantity) of food down into your belly. The annual gorge-fest, more popularly known as Thanksgiving, has arrived. Let us rejoice.

But here, on the other side of the planet, well let's say I get to see first hand why our American mothers always told us"you better eat that because there are starving children in________!" Fill in you favorite guilt provoking country.

It's not that I am trying to provoke guilt, just making observations as I see them

So for the promised Thanskgiving tale...

I will title it in the traditional elementary school manner of "Why I Give Thanks." But I will also give it working subtitle of "The Nature of Business in India."

Let us begin...

Once upon a time there was a fair Westerner--pink you could say--who decided to travel far, far away to the land of spices and call centers. She was hopeful of acquiring exposure and experiences in this oh-so foreign land.

Filled with this hope, she traveled throughout the land of India tasting its tastes, seeing its sights, delighting in its delights. She saw beauty and misery in step with one another everywhere she looked. Her heart filled with wonderment and pained from sorrow.

Well into this journey she was offered the chance to learn a traditional performance art form from a master artist and instructor. She had been connected with a guru. She reeled with enthusiasm at the possibility of training for three weeks with this guru. Dates were agree upon. Fees were agreed upon. Press coverage was agreed upon. And so the lessons began.

Our fair Westerner learned and practiced with sincere dedication, as the guru noted. Upon the closure of each lesson they discussed the plans for the next lessons and days to come. The girl was nervous at the prospect of just three weeks training before performing, but felt confident with the guidance of such a capable guru.

On the sixth lesson, which was near the end of the second week the girl asked:

"When will be the last day that you will teach me something new? How much time will I have to practice?"

"Friday will be the last day."

"You'll teach me something new the day I'll perform?"

"Yes, you will come two times tomorrow. Once for lesson. Once for the press."

This gave the girl pause for thought: tomorrow? That was only the end of the second week, only the seventh lesson.

"If you want to wait until next Friday and take more lessons, then you can."

What was this? The girl felt ill at the thought that she was being fleeced. The number of lessons, the dates, all of these things had been confirmed in the beginning and again just two days before. It wasn't meerely the money, although it had been a fair amount. It was that a guru of dance, of a creative art, was trying to swindle her.

Some fast talking ensued between the girl's host and her guru. The guru would grant two additional lessons.

Two additional lessons? the girl thought. It was more like two lessons less.

After leaving that day, the girl resolved to only take her seventh lesson on the last day of her second week, and not return. She realized her mistake and was sick from disillusionment.

In her time in India prior to meeting the guru, she had seen many slick business dealings where a sales or service person told her hosts one thing, then denied it the next day. Would promise to come and then not call for four days. Would quote them a rate and then see the girl and ask for double. It was clear and present fleecing all around, and not always because of her presence.

Her mistake had been to assume that someone of the arts wouldn't pull such a slick move. Someone whom she had been personally recommended to. Someone who wanted her to perform for the press and say good things.

She was simply wrong.

In the end the fair Westerner was only sad that such an excellent teacher could be such a treachorous business person. After all, in her short time she did learn more than many do in a year's training, for that she was happy.

And being that she was in India, she firmly believed that karma would likely counteract such an underhanded deed.

So she went on with her exposure and experiences with this foreign land and only took with her her dance steps and the lesson of never blindly trusting anyone in India with a business arrangement, unless, of course, it is writing AND signed by two witnesses.

The End

So really, I am thankful that I was able to take these Kathak lessons from such a good instructor, but I'm not kidding at how sick I felt with disappointment when I realized we were being fleeced.

I'm not going to punish myself though...how could I have known? I'll finish my lesson tomorrow and then be done with it. I can't even pretend that what she did was okay and therefore cannot, in good faith, allow her the press coverage of my training.

What to do, what to do.

I am giving thanks today, that I am in this wonderful land filled with beauty, depth, misery and deception. I have definitely been getting what I hoped to get out of this experience.

I will say that there are many unpleasantries (some simple and subtle, some downright shameful) that I have been privvy to since I've been here, but I've refrained from discussing them as they are generally passing and a lesser part of this experience. But I couldn't keep quiet on this one because it was quite a shameless act of greed that was even stunning to me, an American.

With that, I bid farewell. I hope that I will bring more pleasant tidings with my next post.

Peace,

A Pink American

11.19.2006...Six Weeks Left and Thinking

This evening, as I sat playing cards with the folks, I wondered to myself why I don't post everyday?

Then I realize it is for the same reason why movies and books cover far more time than their span would seemingly allow.

I've realized this before, but I still struggle with it when it comes to narrating ones adventures. Sure you, the audience, don't need to know every detail of every minute of the day. Yet, in some ways, doesn't that make what I'm experiencing seem a little less tangible, less probable for every one else? My stories seem to hover my persona just above that of 'average person', but I don't in anyway feel like this.

Don't get me wrong, I know that what I'm doing here and now, and with much of my regular life, is beyond that of most people's comfort or ability or even desire to attain. So why then has it been in my reach?

I'm often told that I'm remarkable in many ways, but what can one really do with that information if one doesn't see oneself in this same way?
I am who I am. I do what I can with what I have been granted. I try to follow through on the things I say I will and set out to do.
In this sense, really, how am I any different than the average person? And if I am different, then who is better/worse off?

I've also been told things like I'm a snob or stuck up or more unpleasantries, but they don't really sting.
I can understand why people can see me this way, but it's just wrong for them to assume this about me. Nine times out of ten people actually 'tell' me they initially thought this way of me, but at some point my 'humanity' shone through and they realized they were wrong. Honestly, do you think I really need to hear that you thought I was a jerk at some point when you didn't even know me? Too much info.

One thing that I've definitely honed in on while being here is shedding the need to please people. In recent months and years I've realized that people don't like to actually feel pleased nearly as much as they like people trying to please them. This in some way excuses them from actually having to pay attention to their own needs as someone else is doing it for them. Then they can blame anyone but themselves when they are unhappy.

This is a two-way street though. Those who are addicted to doing the pleasing, often do so at the same price. They don't pay attention to their own needs and when they see that their efforts have been frustrated (again and again) and they get sad at the thought of not 'MAKING' someone happy, they get to blame the other person for being ungrateful or selfish.

This is a shared miserable experience that actually feels quite lonely when one is stuck in it.

In the end I realize (again) the truth in only having control over my own actions and happiness and letting the rest to their own devices. If what I do makes them happy, great. But if not, then what can I do?

These thoughts have been paramount in preparing me for this next third of my life. I hear tell that being a parent can really test a person, so I'm glad that I've gotten these old challenges out of the way.

As things come up over the next two weeks, I'll post, but otherwise know that I'm happily dancing, writing, reading and painting the days away.

Peace,

A Pink American